Title: What I did on my Suspension
Beta: The amazing, wonderful and fabulous jooles34
Characters: Ianto/OMC, mentions of Ianto/Lisa, Ianto/OFC and Janto
Rating,Warnings: I'm bad with ratings, urm, possibly 15 ish. There are rude words and boy kissing and naughty touching
Disclaimer: Whilst I do claim to own my ocs, I don't own the world or characters of Torchwood, but they all play so well together that it would be mean to split them up!
Summary: Ianto decides to use his suspension to reconnect with himself
Spoilers: None that I can think of. Unless you've never seen TW or Who.
And remember - comments are total love :-)
“You’re only with me because of the guilt.” The voice was tired and spiteful. The hiss of the ever present machines nearly drowned out the voice, it was only because his ears were trained to listen for her that he heard.
“No! That’s not true! I love you Lisa, completely and utterly, and we will get through this. I will find a cure! You will be cured!” His voice rang with a confidence that he hoped was well founded.
“Ianto, you never told me you loved me when I was human, only when I became this thing. The emotion you are feeling is guilt. Guilt for the way you treated me, guilt for the way you hurt me and guilt for the fact that you failed to protect me. It certainly isn’t love.”
“SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear your lies. Just increase the morphine dose, get me nice and drowsy and go back to the captain.” The words were spat out “I’m sure he’s much more pleasant company”
“Lisa, you’re not being fair. I have to keep him distracted. He’s not as stupid or vacuous as he makes out. He’s bound to notice the power drains and the amount of time I spend down here. It’s not like I want to do it, it’s the only chance I have of saving you! It’s you I’m doing this for, YOU!” He leant over the machine to kiss her gently on the forehead. Suddenly her hand came up and caught him around the throat, squeezing tightly.
“You are pathetic, Ianto Jones. I wish you’d left me to die!” Hate filled the brown eyes as the mouth twisted into a sneer.
“Lisa………..” he gasped, fighting for air, “Lisa……….LISA!”
Ianto sat up with a shout, a light sheen of sweat covering his body. Panting heavily, he realised he was in an unfamiliar bed, surrounded by hideous flock wallpaper and wondering how he got there. The nightmare still clung to him and he could almost taste the metal and feel the fingers around his throat. Reflexively he brought his hand up to his neck and coughed slightly. Gods his head hurt. Looking over at the bedside table, he was both surprised and confused to see a glass of water there. Automatically he looked for the little white pill, but there was no sign of it. Then suddenly the memories crashed over him. The waste ground, the kiss; oh gods he’d passed out, swooned even. He rolled his eyes; he was never going to live that down.
For the second time that day, he swung himself out of bed and realised he was only wearing his boxers. A quick glance around the room did not immediately reveal his clothes and he was about to check the wardrobe and chest of drawers when he realised the room was chilly and the balcony door was open. “Typical” he thought.
“Lucca!” he called “LUCCA!”
A head suddenly appeared through the open door, dark hair in soft spikes. Green eyes flickered with concern and then delight as a dazzling smile lit up the face.
“At last! Sleeping Beauty awakes! Was wondering what had happened to you! It’s been a long time since you’ve fainted in my arms. Mind you, the last time it happened, we had been…”
“Clothes!” Ianto interrupted “I believe I was wearing them earlier, otherwise I would have been arrested and be in a cell currently, wearing a natty plastic overall, instead of just my boxers in this little den of iniquity. Where are we anyway? I thought this wallpaper had been outlawed by the Geneva Convention for crimes against décor.”
“Don’t complain. It was the first one I could find. You try walking through the less salubrious areas of Cardiff with an unconscious boy in your arms and see how far you get.”
Lucca wagged his finger at Ianto, ignoring his mutter of “hardly a boy”
“Ummm, but you naked in public, now there’s a nice idea. I wonder…..” a glacial stare from Ianto stopped Lucca in his tracks “Fine” he huffed “Your clothes are folded neatly in the chest of drawers except for the leather which is hanging on a wooden coat hanger in the wardrobe. Is that satisfactory Mr Jones?”
The head disappeared back through the open door muttering something about “ruin all my fun.”
Ianto smirked and tracked down his jeans. Pulling them on, he padded out onto the balcony and joined Lucca leaning against the rail. They stood in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the world go by beneath them.
“What is it with Time Agents and high places?” Ianto mused. He hoped the answer wasn’t to do with God-complexes. It was one thing knowing that the person you were with was from a different time, it was completely different if they thought of themselves as somehow superior, or needing to be apart from everything. Of course, it could just be because they were complete drama queens and what creates more drama than standing on top of a building in a flapping coat? Ianto grinned at the image of Jack and Lucca as superheroes, visions in Lycra. He tried not to giggle.
Suddenly he became aware of something else. Looking over at Lucca, he realised what was different
“Have you been smoking? She’ll kill you, you know how she feels about smoking.” he said, surprised.
Lucca grinned sheepishly and moved back to show the ashtray which had several cigarette butts in it.
“I got bored. And you are still buying tens! Do they not pay you enough at that place? Or are you trying to cut down?” Green eyes twinkled at him and Ianto coloured slightly.
“My money’s kinda been going elsewhere of late.” he said “But hey, that problem has now resolved itself, so I can buy twenties again. As long as you never tell her.” Ianto was looking down over the balcony, so missed the look of concern that crossed Lucca’s face.
Lucca moved closer to Ianto and slid an arm around his waist. Ianto sighed softly and leaned into him.
“Are you ok?” Lucca asked softly “You were calling out in your sleep.”
“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just residual nightmares. I’ll get over it. I always do.”
“Ianto.” Green eyes regarded him warily “Were you in love with Lisa?”
Ianto sighed heavily and dropped his shoulders, continuing to look down at the road below. He was silent for several minutes, but Lucca didn’t press; he just kept holding onto Ianto’s waist and waited for him to speak. Just before the silence became uncomfortable Ianto spoke.
“No,” he said firmly. ‘I don’t think I ever was. And the worst of it is she knew. She knew the whole time I had her down in that basement. She used to say I was only with her because of the guilt. I used to tell her that it wasn’t true, that I did love her. But she knew.” He sighed again “She hated me at the end.”
Lucca dropped a kiss onto Ianto’s bare shoulder. Ianto looked up at him and then back down to the road.
“I really fucked up didn’t I? Funny thing is, she’s dead now and all I feel is free.”
Ianto looked back up at Lucca, who was shocked at how tired, beaten and young Ianto looked. Lucca placed his fingers under Ianto’s chin and lifted it, bringing his lips down until they met. They kissed lazily, tongues gently sliding over each other, unhurried, just enjoying the feel of each other. After several minutes they parted and Ianto shivered.
“Come on.” Lucca led him back into the room, “You don’t have a top on and whilst I appreciate the view, I don’t want you getting a chill. Farmboy would never forgive me!”
“He doesn’t know about you” murmured Ianto as he was steered back into the warmth of the room.
“Oooh, does that make me your dirty little secret?” Lucca joked, sticking his tongue out at Ianto when he wheeled round with a stricken look on his face. “Anyway, you haven’t explained why you wanted to see me all of a sudden. Not that I don’t appreciate the reunion, but if I remember rightly you ‘never wanted to see me again’ and ‘I didn’t understand yours and Lisa’s relationship’” Lucca did air quotes as he spoke. “Or words to that effect”
Ianto looked up sharply, and blue eyes met green that had a touch of ice in them. “I’m sorry, really sorry. It was just after Canary Wharf and I wanted to blame someone and you were there and an easy target. Plus I did feel that a lot of it was your fault and I needed you to help me, and you just wouldn’t”
“You know I have relatively little influence where he’s concerned. She has a total blind spot. Every time she looks at him, she sees that boy that stepped of the troop carrier 260 years ago, all wide eyed, shiny and new. She sees the youngest member of the team and she doesn’t see a man all grown up and able to command a team of his own. It doesn’t help that he can’t make up his mind as to whether he wants her as a commanding officer, or an equal, or just to stay the hell away from him. Honestly, I could throttle both of them at times!”
Lucca had drawn himself up to his full height as he spoke, and Ianto was aware of the near foot height difference between them. He put his arms around Lucca and pulled him close. He whispered words of endearment into Lucca’s chest, letting the taller man’s pheromones wash over him, so different to Jack, and yet so much more familiar. Lucca sighed above him and wrapped his arms around his waist again, kissing the top of his head.
“We’re getting terribly maudlin here; I don’t think that’s why you contacted me is it?” Lucca asked.
“No, no it isn’t. I can be a misery alone at home.” Ianto smiled ruefully, pulled away from the loose embrace, and crossed the small room to the wardrobe. He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and passed Lucca the brown envelope “I found this.”
Lucca took the envelope and stared at it in shock; he looked up at Ianto with an expression of stunned surprise.
“Do you know anything about it?” Ianto smirked slightly at the poleaxed expression on Lucca’s face and stepped over to the other man to gently shut his mouth for him. “You look like a goldfish.” He grinned.
“I….I thought you’d destroyed it. I mean, I was told that you’d destroyed it; that you didn’t want any reminders. That you’d grown up and got over that ‘experimentation phase’; that you’d moved on.” His voice tailed off as he looked at Ianto, green eyes filled with confusion.
“Lucca, I swear that I had never seen this photo before today. It was right at the bottom of my photo box, even underneath those daft ones that you took of me when you got me dressed up that night in London.”
Lucca’s lips quirked at the memory.
“Who told you I destroyed it?” Ianto continued. “You just stopped returning my calls. In the end I gave up.”
Realisation dawned on Ianto even as Lucca started to say the name “Lisa”, and he echoed it with a whisper of his own. The two men looked at each other and something between them seemed to shift.
‘She never did understand me.’ Ianto sighed.
“To be fair, your ‘coming out’ idea was quite possibly one of the worst ever! Had I known that’s what you were going to do, I would have tried to talk you out of it. As it is, we’re all still banned from that restaurant.”
Ianto blushed; it had not been one of his most successful plans. He had been so sure that when Lisa said that she loved him no matter what, she had meant it. Lucca’s voice broke through the humiliating memory
“Inviting her to meet your ‘friends’ and then hitting her with the triple whammy of ‘now we’re all here, I’m bisexual, polyamorous and these friends are actually my boyfriend and girlfriend, but don’t worry cos you’re still my primary partner sweetie.’” Lucca laughed. “I’m surprised you’re still walking after that! You should have known that she would take it badly!”
“Badly!” Ianto exclaimed, “I didn’t know bread rolls could be used as offensive weapons. Not to mention the sex ban.”
“Was that when you realised she wasn’t The One?” teased Lucca, grinning wolfishly.
Ianto grinned back “Something like that. Anyway, what can you tell me about the photo? I don’t remember it being taken at all; I can’t even place the night!”
Lucca pulled the photo out of the envelope, smiling at the words on the back. He turned it over and the smile widened as he gazed at the image. It was a picture of Lucca and Ianto, taken at a club night pre-Torchwood One. Ianto was kneeling at Lucca’s feet, his body relaxed, looking up at the younger man; Lucca’s hand was resting possessively on Ianto’s neck. Both men were looking at each other and smiling, a smile of love, trust and adoration. It was a beautiful moment captured on film.
“It was taken at TG” Lucca explained. “That summer before you joined One.”
“That explains the hair then.”
“Hey! I liked it longer, all those cute curls that hugged my fingers when I ran my hands through it. It’s nice, plus it gives me something to play with”
For demonstration, Lucca wound his fingers into Ianto’s hair, tightened his grip and pulled firmly. Ianto’s head was slowly but surely tilted back. His eyes half closed and his mouth fell slack as the long line of his neck was pulled taught. Lucca smiled a feral smile. “Pretty” he growled and dipped to lick the length of Ianto’s neck. Ianto groaned and closed his eyes; the waves of Lucca’s pheromones hitting him and causing his head to swim. Lucca felt Ianto’s body go limp and shook him gently.
“Uh uh, stay with me beautiful, no passing out on me just yet”
“Too much.” Ianto moaned
“Rubbish. You’ve handled much more than this. Just relax and enjoy.” Lucca purred, nuzzling into Ianto’s neck, his other hand encircling both of Ianto’s wrists and holding them captive.
Ianto felt the sharp nip of teeth along his neck and into the hollow of his shoulder which were then soothed with broad sweeps of a cool tongue. He groaned deep in his throat as the teasing mouth moved up to his ear.
“Poor boy. So needy, so desperate; just longing for someone to take complete control for you. No need to think, just feel. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Ianto let the words wash over him. Lucca had pitched the tone perfectly and drew the words out where needed. Ianto knew that he didn’t need to listen to the words; it was the cadence that was the most important. He could feel himself standing on a precipice and he wanted nothing more than to fall headfirst into it; to drown in the words, the pictures they created and the sensations that were flooding him. The lure to give everything up and just let Lucca take over was intoxicating. It had been a long time since he had been able to trust someone to this extent. He and Lucca had played many, many games in the years that they had known each other, and Ianto knew that Lucca could pull him apart and put him back together and that was tremendously freeing.
“Keep your hands there” Lucca said conversationally as he released Ianto’s wrists, trailing his fingers over Ianto’s hip and stomach until he reached the button fastening on the jeans. He flipped them open with three fingers and slowly eased the zip down. “Oh and don’t come.” he added as he slid his hand into Ianto’s jeans.
“Bastard!” breathed Ianto as Lucca’s talented fingers slid over his cock.
“Such language Mr Jones.” said Lucca with mock outrage. “And you looked like such a polite young boy.” The last was drawn out and Ianto could feel the smirk against his ear.
“Please.” Ianto had no idea what he was begging for, just that he needed to say something, anything; to not be completely passive in this, to show that he was still present in the moment. It would be so easy to drift, to let go, to fly, but he didn’t deserve that, not yet. He twisted his head and hissed at the pleasure/pain that shot through his scalp. He needed the pain, needed to make it hurt.
“Don’t move.” The command was flatly given; Ianto ignored it, the hand in his hair tightened and the voice hissed by his ear. “Do. Not. Move.”
“Please” Ianto moaned again. “Need it”
Ianto inwardly rejoiced. The most wonderful thing about Lucca was his complete acceptance of everything Ianto wanted and needed. True, he wouldn’t allow Ianto to permanently damage himself, or go further than he himself had wanted to go, but his limits were far more extreme than Ianto’s and that gave Ianto the courage to explore his own boundaries.
“Just…………..More…………” Ianto breathed.
The hands tightened in his hair and around his cock, pushing the pleasure/pain even higher. Ianto felt himself begin to slide off the precipice and sink into the swirling blackness.
“Guhh, pleeease.” he begged as he felt his orgasm build.
At that point, a phone began to ring.
“Fuck!” Lucca pulled his hand out of Ianto’s jeans, causing him to whimper at the loss of contact and the denied release. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he yanked his phone out if his pocket and opened it “What? Kinda busy here!”
He used the hand in Ianto’s hair to guide Ianto to his knees, releasing the pressure and guiding his head to rest against Lucca’s leg. Lucca let his fingers play through Ianto’s hair as he continued to bark into the phone.
Ianto let himself drift. His brain was still swimming and the saturation of pheromones in the air was keeping him in the floaty headspace where he had no responsibilities. Gradually he became aware of himself and as his head began to clear, he started to listen to Lucca’s side of the phone call.
“I’m in the arse end of Cardiff. Yes I’ve got a car! No, I don’t think he’s ready for that yet.” There was a pause “He just dropped on me now” Another pause “I’m not arguing, or being difficult; he’s just very fragile at the moment.” Pause. “Just don’t, don’t be his leader, he doesn’t need that, just, just, just be what he needs.” A longer pause. “You KNOW what he needs! I am NOT shouting!”
Ianto snorted, Lucca was raising his voice, the hand in his hair still absently petting him.
“Fine, fine. Give us half an hour, Sir.” The last word dripped with sarcasm as Lucca snapped the phone shut and resisted throwing it across the room. Gods her timing sucked.
He turned back to Ianto and crouched in front of him.
“Hey kiddo, you back with me?” He lifted Ianto’s chin on two fingers and gazed into the lust fogged blue eyes. “Come on kid”
“Not a kid.” Ianto mumbled “And I’m here, just about. Has her timing got worse, or is it just me?”
“It’s got worse, trust me. She’s developed a sixth sense for certain things.” Lucca gave a wry smile and Ianto slowly raised an eyebrow. “Come on. We’ve got to get at least semi-decent; we’ve got a royal audience to attend!”